"Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible." Cherie-Carter Scotts
After much thought, and research, I have decided to give Weight Watchers another try. Before signing up, I told my husband, I'll give it 6 months before I consider surgery. You see, in the past, I've been a quitter. I start feeling guilty spending money on a weight loss plan, and then not losing weight like I should. I don't know how many times I've joined weight watchers, but I quit every time.
Today was the best day that I could have joined and went to a meeting.
Today, I realized how much I think or talk negatively to myself. Well, I should have realized it a year ago when I was beating myself up all the time about my weight, and a friend kept telling me to STOP it! I thought he was just trying to be nice. I was sure people really thought the same thing about me that I did.
Today, my leader said that Positive Self Talk helps if you
Beat yourself up
Get discouraged by setbacks (boy do I ever.. that's why I quit when I don't lose)
Feel overwhelmed
Don't feel supported
Eat because of low self esteem (that's a vicous cycle)
We act in ways consistent with our deepest internal beliefs. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy.
I had tears in my eyes as she was talking, when I realized that I struggle with all of those things! (She was telling me after the meeting how many people she noticed crying this week during that talk.)
I need to nix the negative self talk! How? Well, when it comes to weight loss,
Recognize negative thoughts and counter them
Harness the power of positive thinking
Embrace flexibility
Know you can bounce back when things don't go as planned
Those things can apply to other things in life too!
This time will be different!
This time I will succeed!
If I keep making changes, and create better habits, I will reach my goals!
I'm excited! I have hope!
I don't condemn those who have surgery! I just don't want to quit before I really try! In the past, I haven't always tried (ie followed plan). You can't lose weight by just showing up for meetings and not following plan! Who knew? haha
I know that even if I had surgery, I would have to make the same kind of changes, so why not now? I may not lose as fast without surgery, but I will feel better about myself if I don't give up.
Our leader told a story of someone she knew who was very bad about negative thinking. She said she would have been in Pine Rest if people knew what she was really thinking! Finally that person decided to try another way, and after just two weeks of thinking positive thoughts, she began to notice a difference in herself. That person was her! She is a totally different person today.
One of my favorite verses is Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
We need to think about good things! Positive things! Nowhere in that verse does it say think about what you did wrong! It doesn't say think about how many times you've messed up and blew it.
God is a God of second chances. He is a God of forgiveness! If He can forgive us, who are we to not forgive ourselves? He does not expect us to be perfect! So I need to stop expecting perfection of myself! When I mess up, I don't have to quit. I can start over right now! I can look at the big picture, not the little mistakes.
After attending that meeting today, I have decided that failing is not an option! In fact, I'm not going to give myself 6 months! I am just going to do this.. as long as it takes! I will have ups and downs, but doing the best I can consistently will pay off in the long run!
I invite you to hold me accountable! Ask me how I'm doing once in a while, and any encouragement you want to send my way is always welcome! I need a support group. :)
What about you? Are you a positive thinker, or negative? Did you know that your attitude is contagious? Your children will pick up on your attitude, whether positive or negative. Which one do you want them to pick up?
I'd love to hear what your favorite verses are. What helps you when you are down, or feeling like a failure? Post in the comment section below or on my fb page.
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When I reach 75 fans, I'm going to do a drawing for the book Every Woman's Marriage
If you're already a fan of my page, send your friends! The sooner we reach 75, the sooner the drawing. I will enter everyone who is a fan of my facebook page. (If you're already a fan, you're in)
Blessings!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
For some, it may seem simple. Watch portion sizes, exercise, count calories, count points, eat less, move more, etc... etc....
I've "tried" several things, but without success in losing weight. Over the past couple of months, I've almost totally quit drinking pop. Still no change in my weight. Since lent, I've given up fast food (with exception of a breakfast on the way to a hockey tournament, and a salad and a few fries today). Still no weight loss.
I've tried weight watchers, but hate trying to figure out points for everything! I also hate going by myself.
For several years, I've considered surgery, such as the lap band, and am very seriously considering it right now. I was doing some research last night about it, and here are some things I found out.
You may only eat about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of food at any given meal after lap band surgery
You should not drink while eating
"Lap band patients are advised not to consume any of the following: high-fat or dense breads and rolls, dried fruit, coconut, nuts, fried foods of any kind, pasta, popcorn, oranges and grapefruits with the membranes, spicy foods, milk, high-fiber vegetables, and meats with gristle" (ehow.com)
Doesn't it seem like if I just did those things anyhow that I would lose weight? I mean if I only ate 1/4-1/2 cup of food at each meal, I'd lose weight without surgery, right?
I wish it was that easy! I wish I had that much self control. But what gives a person more self control after surgery? The fear of vomiting, nausea and abdominal cramping?
Why don't I just start exercising more? I've tried that in the past, but maybe consistency is my downfall.
Maybe it's our lifestyle. Maybe it's lack of accountability.
The thing is, I'm not getting any younger, and I'm definitely not getting any healthier! Sometimes I feel like I'm a heart attack waiting to happen!
What if my Doctor told me that? Would it make a difference? Would I make changes then?
I have a 2 year old grandson, and when I have him over, I'm exhausted afterwards. I have two more grand babies on the way this year. I'm excited, and can't wait, but can I keep up with 3 of them?
I want to be a Grandma who's fun and who has the grand babies over all the time and takes them to do stuff like go to the zoo, and camping and things like that.
I want to be around for them! I want to get to know them and them to know me. I don't want them to say "my grandma died when I was little, I don't remember her".
I need a plan that works and I need it now. I need this time to be different! I need to do this for me!
As much as I want to look better and wear a smaller size, it isn't about all of that. I want to be healthy!
I looked at the weight watchers magazine in the store a few days ago, and thought maybe I should try again.... but I'll probably fail. That doesn't work for me. (negative thinking)
I've been reading the Made to Crave book, and I've learned that I need to turn to God, not food for comfort. Now I need a plan.
I know several people who have had success with weight loss surgery. I admire them! However, I also know someone who had full gastric bypass and has had several health issues.
The lap band is safer, although you lose slower. Your body does not have problems with malabsorption, but there are still some dangers. Any surgery is a risk. One of my biggest fears of having surgery is pain afterwards, especially long term.
I also know several people who have had success in losing weight without surgery. I admire them too! But do I have what it takes? I want to find that determination! The motivation that makes me get up from my computer to go exercise, motivation to walk instead of driving everywhere. Determination to make the right choices in what I eat, and to control my portion sizes. To say NO to the wrong foods.
I feel like if I have surgery, I'm giving up. I feel like I should be able to do this on my own. But I haven't been able to. Surgery would force me to make the changes that I haven't made so far.
How long will I wait? Will it be too late?
Have you had surgery, or do you know someone who has? What were the results? What were the side effects? Was it worth it?
I know I've posted before about this issue, and I apologize if it bores you. It is something I struggle with, and I'm admitting here that I need help!
Please share your thoughts in the comments here.
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Have a blessed day!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
My husband is such a sweetheart! Last night, (for no reason except that he loves me) he brought home a few chocolate covered strawberries from Tasty Cakery & Sweets. He knows they are one of my favorite things! They were delicious!
Do you know your spouse's love language? Mine is Words of Affirmation, but for a person who's love language is Receiving Gifts, those strawberries would have had a much deeper meaning than Yummy! For someone who's love language is Physical Touch, a back rub speaks love to them, or holding hands, etc... To the spouse who's love language is Acts of Service, a honey do list means a lot more than getting things done! It might mean when your husband asks you to make that phone call for him while he's at work, and you do it, it shows him that you love him! The other gift is Quality Time. That person feels more loved when you do things together.
You can learn more here The 5 Love Languages, and even take an assessment to find out your and your mates love language. I highly recommend it! It's fun! Start watching and see if you can figure out what your husband or wife's language is. You can read the book by Gary Chapman. He has also written The Five Love Languages for Children, one for Teenagers, etc...
Another key that I want to talk about in making your marriage go the distance is Communication. There are different ways to communicate, and sometimes communication, or lack of can lead to misunderstanding. Ask questions to make sure you understand what your spouse is trying to say. Give them your undivided attention. Your spouse wants to know that they matter to you. I personally feel more valued when someone cares enough to listen to me.
Stop what you're doing, put down the newspaper, your cell phone, or turn off the television and listen. When your spouse comes home from work, greet him or her at the door. Take a few minutes and ask them about their day. Truly listen.
Choose your time wisely. If your spouse is watching a game, or busy, that may not be the best time to try to talk to them about something important. However, don't let those things become excuses not to talk. Make time for communication, have a date night where you can talk without interruptions, or set aside time each night to unwind and talk.
When you need to talk about a sensitive subject, choose your words carefully. Think before you speak, be encouraging, and make sure you are understood. And remember, not everything that you are feeling needs to be expressed. Use wisdom. Proverbs 10:19 says "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise." NASB
It is probably not the best time to communicate when you're angry.
Lastly, a key factor in our marriage has been opening our hearts to one another. In order to do that, you need to feel safe. There must be love and trust. Sometimes our hearts may be guarded due to past hurts or relationship issues. If your heart is guarded, if you have a wall up, you can say "I love you" as many times as you want, but your spouse isn't going to feel it. Let your guard down, your marriage will thrive.
Difficulties are inevitable. They don't mean something is wrong with your marriage. How you respond will either drive you apart or bring you closer together. You need a plan for those times. Failure to do so may result in isolation or loneliness.
When that happens, we try to find fulfillment outside of marriage. Our escape can be being busy, becoming a workaholic, shopping, pornography, romance novels, focusing all of our time and energy on our children, or even a love affair (physical or emotional. The result is more isolation.
We've had many ups and downs in our marriage, times where we've thought Can we make it?
It takes all of the "keys" I've talked about in these 3 posts. God, Forgiveness, Communication and Opening Our hearts!
Sadly, divorce is occurring at alarming rates. God hates divorce! Don't consider it an option! There are many tools and resources available that can help you. Not only did you make a vow with your spouse when you got married, but it is a covenant with God.
If you need help, I would suggest Family Life Today. They have many articles, books, etc... If you are able to get away for a Weekend to Remember, that is a great place to start. Seek counseling.
Pray together, and pray for your spouse.
Take the love language assessment and try to make your spouse feel loved each day.
If you haven't read the first 2 posts in this series, you can find them below.
Watch for future posts on marriage.
Make sure that you don't miss any posts! Go to my facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Latte-Blessings/303803836335198 and click like. Then when I post, it will show up in your facebook feed.
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I am willing to mentor privately through email if you would like. (limited to my knowledge, experience, and my work with Family Life Today) Email me at tshineldecker@gmail.com
I pray that you have a marriage that not only survives, but thrives! Leave a comment below. I'll be praying for you!
Blessings!
Monday, March 5, 2012
The first thing I mentioned in helping your marriage go the distance is having a relationship with God.
I think that is a huge factor leading into another key, and that is Forgiveness!
Ephesians 4:32 "And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."
I can tell you that our marriage has required a lot of forgiveness. Some little offenses, and some not so little. Sometimes it is a one time thing, and sometimes it is an ongoing process that requires forgiveness over and over.
It is God's place to change our mate, not ours. They may struggle with an issue (addictions, etc...) for a long time before God gives them victory over it. We made a vow "til death do us part" and it is our job to keep that commitment. Pray for your husband.
(That being said, do not be a victim of abuse. If there is abuse in your relationship, seek help from a Pastor or Counselor.)
We need to be willing to admit when we are wrong, and say I'm sorry. Search your heart, pray and ask God to show you when you are wrong. Repent and ask for forgiveness from your spouse. You may also need to pray and ask forgiveness from God. Ask God to change you.
If you are the offended one, you need to grant forgiveness. That doesn't mean that you weren't hurt, or that nothing happened. It doesn't mean that you will forget. It means you let go of resentment and your "right to get even."
When you argue, it isn't time to call your Mom, or your friends and bad mouth your spouse. You need to work it out between you and your hubby and God. In order for a marriage to work, you need to "leave and cleave" Genesis 2:24 "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." NIV
Forgiveness is a choice! Sometimes it is a choice that we have to make over and over. Jesus says we are to forgive "up to seventy times seven" in Matthew 18: 21-22. It is a choice that sets your spouse free, and begins the healing process. Forgiveness also sets you free!
When we forgive, trust can be rebuilt. In some instances, it may take time to rebuild trust. If you are the one that broke your spouses trust, you need to understand that they need time. You have to earn that trust back.
Forgiveness doesn't automatically cure the hurt, but if we choose not to forgive, a wall is built. Resentment lingers.
When you forgive, resist the tendency to keep bringing up the offense or the hurt. Yes, you need to talk through the issue, but once it is resolved let it rest. Do not bring it up again, especially when you're angry.
Matthew 6:14 & 15 says "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
I don't know about you, but I want to be forgiven for my sins!
I am blessed with a pretty forgiving husband! I also choose to forgive him when needed!
Have you offended your spouse? Do you need to ask forgiveness? Maybe you are the one who has been offended... Can you find it in your heart to forgive? Pray about it, ask God to help you.
Feel free to email me privately at tshineldecker@gmail.com
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Blessings!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
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